A new poll reveals how many lonely people there are but highlighting the problem doesn't give us the answers
'All by myself" uttered by a four-year-old is seen as a triumphant declaration of independence. Fast forward 50 years and it's the despairing message of our ageing population and a black-edged invitation to the young to consider what apparently inevitably lies ahead, confirmed by a steady stream of surveys of social isolation. The latest was published last Thursday. This poll, by the charities AgeUK and YouthNet, has an admirable intent: to encourage young people to teach older people the skills of social media. Nevertheless, it's surely time for a public health warning on the cumulative impact of yet another questionnaire that gives us the miserable macro news that more than a third of people aged 64 and older in Great Britain feel lonely "always", "often" or "some" of the time.
It's not that such surveys tell us too much, it's more that they explain too little (don't we all feel lonely some of the time?), while the repertoire of solutions that includes the obligatory introduction to Facebook, Twitter and Skype, welcome a stranger into your home and sign up to a jolly charabanc trip to Bournemouth or two, may for some people only exacerbate the condition. It's a paradox that, as the very diverse symptoms of this particular social disease are gradually becoming better understood, the traditional package of "solutions" remains so little changed .
An excellent study by the Mental Health Foundation, "The Lonely Society", published a couple of years ago, divides loneliness into the social and emotional. The social may be triggered by the pattern of life that prunes away contact with others, including long commutes, physically moving away from family and friends and events such as separation, divorce and death. Emotional loneliness describes that deep disconnection some experience even when acting as the life and soul of a party, plugged in to a strong social network. The lonely are often in deep disguise – and not even willing to yield their secret to the perennial parade of pollsters.
So, although it's rarely portrayed in case histories of the old and lonely, it's perfectly possible to have a septuagenarian who is rich in friends, has an abundance of outings, is rarely alone but who also suffers that profound sense of isolation. Similarly, the growth in single households is often cited as a cause for the increase in loneliness. But single households are also home to the happy loner and the many who relish rationed periods of the solitary life.
So what of the solutions? Pity the lifelong introvert who becomes lonely in older age and who is expected to transform into the uber-gregarious. Susan Cain in Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, makes a plea for less team work, group think and constant collaboration and more space for the reserved, the sanctity of solitude and those who may have less to say but still matter. What help for the vintage healthily introvert?
Loneliness, we know, is infectious. It spreads. It can damage your health. It is a profound challenge for a person of any age. So let's have fewer polls and more imaginative support. And let's encourage the very young to acquire the kind of social skills that won't vaccinate them against loneliness in later life but may make them a little less susceptible.
